The Ugly Truth (But the Show Will Go On) 
[Note: Important update on the situation included near the bottom]

I've debated whether or not to mention this but in the end I've decided to say it since it might effect things with the show in the forseeable future. On the show I've mentioned that I work with the mentally ill... well, that's not quite true, because I didn't want to state the truth, that it's actually my wife who is mentally ill. I do not mean something minor, I mean a severe enough condition that it was recognized in a court of law, that she is simply incapable of handling anything more than rote tasks without supervision. I don't want to get into specifics because I'm not doing this to embarrass her, that's why I said what I did, to avoid embarrassing her.

I mention it now because with the work I do I believe the facts are necessary because, well, this is the Internet, I've seen how things usually go down in such situations. Her condition sometimes compels her to just vanish without a trace, she cannot say why that is, she only says that she gets these "bad thoughts" (her words) and she has to leave. Not leave me, leave her life. She has no complaint about me, our kids, our home, she just suddenly decides she has to leave it all behind. Please do not write in to tell me why, doctors have already given their ideas and I'd rather not hear any more. She has done this literally more times than I can remember, including once on Mother's Day.

I bring it up now because it's rarely lasted more than two days before she comes to her senses and comes back. This time it's been over a week, and she insists this time it's for good. And she won't go back to the hospital either (they don't let you smoke there, that's why she refuses). Plus the person she is hanging around with is encouraging the behavior and actively interfered when I tried to talk with her (that usually helps her purge the "bad thoughts").

So I mention that in the hopes of averting the expected barbs, that this is somehow my fault, because of my attitude towards women, or that I ignore her and spend all my time geeking out on the Internet. For the latter, this show was actually a godsend, because it's allowed me to work at home and take care of her whereas before I would often spend an hour or more on the phone or just going back home from work trying to take care of her when things were bad, so what I do has nothing to do with it. And as for the former, well, I'm sure people will decide what my attitude is, all I can say is that she insists there is nothing wrong with me or our children, she just doesn't want to be with us any more. She's not walking away from me, she's walked out on her kids, who have been through this abandonment as well as hospitalizations since they were two. Here's a card one of my sons had made for her when he was six and she was in the hospital being treated for her condition (translated): "I love you a lot! I hope you will feel better! I miss you because you're gone. I love you."



That's more than half a lifetime ago for him, but the sentiment hasn't changed, and even if you thought I was a monster no rational person would leave for that reason yet leave children like that in my care. And I'm not trying to paint her as a monster either, she hasn't done this because she's heartless, she's done this because she is a sick woman in need of help, but you can't force someone to get help, not when they aren't threatening themselves or others.

I've brought this to light because you may have noticed some things have been running a bit less smoothly, with trailers and notices going up at the wrong times and such; I'm hoping that won't happen again. And I might have to swap the Godzilla 1985 review for the Stargate review scheduled for April, it's too early to tell if I'll have it done in time (that is, done to the best of my abilities, I do not want to rush it out without giving it my all). But other than that it's my hope that the show will go on for all of you as if nothing had happened. Many of you have donated in support of this show and waited a very long time for your request to be done, I will do all I can not to let you down.

There is one thing I would ask of you, if possible. I hope it is not presumptive, but if you use an adblocker, if you would please whitelist my site and videos, it really would make a difference. My kids and I no longer have the support of my wife's disability payments, so at the moment we are relying entirely on putting a cowboy hat on a spider and having it tell Janeway to eat people. Don't worry, against all reason it looks like that may work, but due to the volatile nature of the ad system, every little bit can really make a difference.

I'm also hoping to find time (and I thought I was swamped before I became a single-parent...) to finish putting together some merchandise in a few months, I've been delaying because I'm trying to make it stuff worth getting and not just the logo on a T-shirt or something. I'm just mentioning it to show that I'm not giving up on the show because of this, and I'd like to think that despite it last week's shows didn't show any sign that these events have impacted the quality of the product (it still looks below public access, just like I've always wanted!). I won't lie, this has been the hardest week for me since my kids were in NICU. But as Pink Floyd said, the show must go on. I'll do my best to make sure it does.

Update (Mar 27)


After two weeks I managed to talk with her uninterrupted and she has realized that she wasn't in her right mind and returned home. It's been a rough week, I've had to carefully monitor the effects of her medication and it has led to some expected (but no less unpleasant) hostility at times as she re-adjusts to her medicine, but she seems to be over the worst of it by now and is looking physically better than she has in a while (I don't wish to embarrass her, so I'll just say that there were physical manifestations of her illness that seem to be subsiding now that she is on her medicine and returning to her right frame of mind). I'm hopeful this won't happen again (and to this degree) for a long time.

I wanted to thank everyone again for their support and encouragement throughout this difficult ordeal, I'm touched by your kindness and humbled by your generosity. I can truthfully say that things may not have worked out this way had it not been for all of you - your selfless contributions to the show (and those of you who white-listed the site) allowed me to focus my energies on what needed to be done rather than worry over what else could go wrong, and your emotional support kept my spirits up when things were grim. I can't thank you enough, and I will continue to put my everything into this show to try to live up to that.

A final note, but it just seemed fitting: we went together to fix the problem she'd caused with her disability while she was unwell, and I saw this (not my picture, there were signs up not to take pictures, but the same poster was there):




It seemed so appropriate that as I tried to move things back on track, there was Star Trek in the most unlikely of places.

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