The Arr Chronicles

The Motion Picture

Commander Lance Armstrong is assigned to the Confederation Starship USS Arr. The ship isn't what he expected at all, between the captain's attitude, the doctor's ineptitude, and the engineers' insanity. But there's no time to argue as they encounter a threat that neither the captain's brutality nor Armstrong's intellect can overcome.

The Final Frontier

The crew of the Arr are investigating the disappearance of the Confederation flagship when they encounter a powerful alien being called ~. Much of the crew disappears to be tested by ~, leaving Armstrong finally in command. But will it be enough when the Arr encounters the powerful cybernetic race known as the Sorority?

About The Arr Chronicles

The Arr Chronicles was created, when you get down to it, out of a late night discussion of the pending Star Trek: Enterprise series. In a nutshell, it took the common stereotypes and character archtypes of Trek, filtered it through a pile of sarcasm, and this is the result.

Another Trek parody? Well, yes, though we have aspired to do more than that. While we have the exploding consoles and the ridiculous reconnaisance mission by bridge officers, we've also tried to raise it somewhat above the standard parody by really, well, passing the series through a corkscrew. Even though our stories are derived from Trek elements (such as the Sorority) we seek to add a bit more substance to it. Of course, we're not above even the lamest of gags.

Captain Buck Random

Our fearless leader, and we do mean that. When he's not on the bridge, he's usually in a simulated weight room, armwrestling with primates or boxing with kangaroos. His tour in Psi-gonne has led to some dementia, causing him to once interrogate a teddy bear.

Commander Lance Armstrong

The first officer, newly-assigned to the Arr based solely on his tough-sounding name. Believes Random's method short-circuits the best way to get the job done and thinks he'd do better operating by the book, and with less violence.

Nonek

Second officer, he has developed beyond his body and now is merely a brain in a jar. Because his IQ is so much higher than everyone else, he is prone to incredible depths of sarcasm.

Buddy "Nerves" Steele

Helmsman who is frequently frightened of the many antics around the ship. Oddly enough, he finds nothing fearful about the antics of the engineers, perhaps because while frightening in appearance they're actually competent.

Lt. "Zero" Thrust and the Engineers

The engineering staff operating on a constant hyperactive state, caused by drinking spiked coffee. They are all mad geniuses who don't believe in anything being impossible and will resort to any method to do it. Often resort to low tech tools and equipment, such as combustion engines and fire axes.

Bambi

The communications officer, a woman in her sixties often seen on the bridge in a bathrobe with coffee and cigarettes. Tends to hate everyone.

Lieutenant Johnny Riprock

A veteran of over one hundred engagements, Riprock has, like Random, gone a bit mad with shellshock. The result is that he leaps into danger without the slightest thought and will frequently fire a weapon just if mildly surprised.

Dr. Baxter Scabs

The chief (and only) medical officer on board who talks like a mad Father Guido. His sickbay looks pristine, but only because any medical tool he actually uses is kept in a large junk drawer.

Dr. Zebar

Unfortunate medical officer now attached to the Arr. Zebar is only four feet tall, which combined with his intelligence makes many people think he's an alien. He isn't.

Mick Danger

Exobiologist with numerous dangerous species of plants and animals on board. Always excited about everything.

Tilde (~)

An allegedly omnipotent being who appears to the crew -much to their chagrin- in the form of John Ritter. [The reason for the delay in the release of this series was that just when we were prepared to release our first chapter (with several more already written) John Ritter passed away in real life. We were confused on the tastefulness of treating a recently dead comedic actor as a Christ-figure to future generations. As you can see, we've kept to it.]