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"What can you say about the great service of insert name here?" Captain Random said to those in attendance at Bracks' funeral. He held the infopad in front of him as he gave the eulogy. "I can think of no one who could have done a finer job than he did at state officer's duties and or rank, and I'm sure you all share that sentiment." Dr. Scabs blew his nose loudly in agreement. "He will live on as long as we remember... Gee, this is getting kind of long."
"Just kick him out the airlock so we can get back to work," Bambi said horsely, lighting up a cigarette. There was no hiding Random's look of desire.
"Godspeed," Random said, saluting the coffin which hovered off the floor and floated across the shuttlebay towards space. The engineering staff played "Amazing Grace" on their kazoos as he gently vanished into space.
"Excuse me," said Buddy, tapping Armstrong on the shoulder as the crew began to drift off to their duties. "The doctor is here."
Amrstrong looked over to give a friendly greeting to the temporary addition to their crew. Anticipating the devastation that would be found on Halusted III they sent in a relief ship. Dr. Zebar was to work in conjunction with the Arr to treat any survivors, but since there weren't any he had been prepared to leave. Armstrong had other plans, but he was a bit disappointed to not see Dr. Zebar anywhere. "Here, commander," a voice said, and Armstrong looked down at the tiny man, no more than four feet tall. "Dr. Zebar," he extended his hand and Armstrong shook it.
"Pardon my error, Doctor," Armstrong said. "I wasn't aware that you were an alien."
Dr. Zebar's friendly smile vanished. "I'm not an alien," he replied, visibly annoyed, "I'm just not as tall as you are."
Armstrong sighed inwardly, silently cursing the day he was born for his recent luck. "Please accept my apology, I meant no disrespect. On the contrary I'm glad you're here. With this threat we can use experienced medics like yourself." The three started walking together towards the hallway. "We need every expert hand we can get."
"Don't you have a medical staff in place?" Dr. Zebar asked as they passed through the doors and headed towards the lift.
"Yes, but we're a little short." Armstrong whinced. "This way," he said as the door to the lift opened and the three stepped inside. A short while later they appeared on the bridge. The captain was busy discussing the tactical situation with Riprock as the trio approached. "Captain," Armstrong said politely.
"...and if they can't give us the power we need, dammit we'll have to find someone else who can." He pounded on the table, putting a fist-shaped dent in it. He sighed and turned to Armstrong. "Lance," he said evenly. He looked down at Dr. Zebar. "Where'd you find the dwarf?"
Armstrong closed his eyes and shook his head. "Dr. Zebar," he said, trying to make the name sound as professional as possible, "this is Captain Buck Random."
"Oh yes," Random said, shaking Zebar's said. "They said they were going to send a little help."
Taking a deep breath, Armstrong grabbed Buddy and pulled him over. "Ensign," he said with forced politeness, "why don't you take the doctor to his quarters." Grudgingly Dr. Zebar was led off, but before Armstrong could say anything Random had floated off as well. When Armstrong moved to follow Riprock stepped in his way. "Do you need something, lieutenant?" he said testily.
"I've got a bit of an idea," Riprock replied, more to himself than anyone else. "About our new friend there."
"Really," Armstrong said without the slightest hint of interest.
"You know what I think he really is?" Riprock whispered. Armstrong just rolled his eyes. "He's a leprechaun." Riprock nodded slowly, glancing a little to the left and right to see if anyone might have heard him. "And that means there's gold around."
"Lieutenant," Armstrong said finally, "let me point out two things. One is that there's no such things as a leprechaun-"
"Ah, that's what they want you to think."
"-and two," Armstrong continued, "Leprechauns are Irish."
"And how do you know he isn't Irish?" Riprock demanded.
"Well, I think the fact that he's named Zebar and is black kind of gives it away, don't you?"
"Nah," Riprock said, looking at the lift Dr. Zebar had used earlier. "That's just a disguise to throw us off. Did you hear a noise coming from the lift just now?" He leaned a bit closer. "I wonder if that's where he hid the gold."
"Lieutenant," Armstrong said with all of the authority he could put into his voice, "to your station." Riprock pulled himself to attention so stiff you could use him to sharpen saws. He stepped back over to his first officer's chair and tried to think, watching absently as Buddy returned and resumed control of the Arr. They were obviously dealing with something extremely dangerous if it could wipe out that entire planet down there.
"Commander," Capt. Random asked as he sat down in his chair, "did your investigation uncover any new information about whoever's responsible for this destruction?"
"Unfortunately no," Armstrong replied. "None of the details make any sense. It looks as if the planet was bombarded with energy, but whatever could generate that much power should've caused far more damage than what we saw. It doesn't look like any type of weapon we've seen before, or any natural phenomenon as well."
Random rubbed his cleft chin in imitation of someone thinking hard. "Does it look like the Klinkons?"
"No, they wouldn't decimate the planet and keep it a secret."
"I wouldn't be too sure of that," Random replied. "The Klinkons are completely amoral; I wouldn't put it past them."
"Agreed, but only to instill fear. There's no point in being this brutal if they wanted to keep it a secret."
"Well, whoever they are, they're messing with the wrong people." Random got to his feet and straightened his uniform.
"Time for the dramatic speech," Nonek grumbled. "I'm all aquiver."
"Since it's inception," Capt. Random began, his deep voice echoing across the bridge, "the Confederation has striven for peace with its galactic neighbors. We've met our fair share of friends," he inserted a dramatic pause, "and enemies. We offer the hand of friendship to the former, and the fist of anger to the latter. We will make a stand when we have to, no matter what the sacrifice. And wherever it's needed, the Arr will be there. The finest of ships, with the finest of crews."
There was a loud bang behind the captain, and a puff of smoke and dust blew through the seams of the lift door. The bridge crew turned to see the doors open and One, Three, and Four stumbled out of the lift. Four held up a stopwatch. "One point eight seconds," he said with satisfaction before falling over sideways. One and Three tried to high-five but were so unsteady that One only managed to smack Three in the forehead and knock him into the back of Armstrong's chair. Three pulled himself up straight and saluted. "Lift's fixed, sir," he said shakily.
"Since I know you're all too distracted to even think of paying attention to the sensors," Nonek said, "long-range scans are detecting an approaching particulate cloud."
"Is it a nebula?" Random asked, his speech now forgotten.
Nonek gave a sound like a mix between a scoff and a chuckle. "Do nebulas normally fly through hyperspace, Captain Braniac?"
"What is it then?" Armstrong asked, peering at the scans. "Metallic, high-energy, not terribly dense but highly organized."
"Wow, you know how to read," Nonek said. "Guess I should just turn the show over to you given the level of brainpower in this room."
"Captain," Armstrong said, ignoring the sarcasm, "this is going to sound crazy, but I think that's a fleet out there."
Random nodded. "Hiding in the cloud," he said thoughtfully.
"No," Armstrong said, looking back at the enhanced image of the phenomenon, "it is the cloud."
There was quiet as the weight of the words sunk in, and then the captain spoke. "Huh?"
"That's a fleet of spaceships," Armstrong explained. "Billions of them, trillions! Each barely larger than a speck of dust."
The captain scoffed at him. "Those can't be ships, no one could fit inside."
"I know it sounds unbelievable, but remember that life can exist in the most fantastic of ways. This could be a sign of intelligence we've never imagined, a race of microscopic yet sentient life. This could be the greatest discovery of the century."
"Should I lock on weapons, sir?" Riprock asked.
"It's a pretty big cloud," Captain Random said thoughtfully, "we might need some torpedoes." Armstrong opened his mouth to protest but was cut off. "What do you think, the eight-ton or the twenty-ton?"
"Captain," Armstrong protested, "did you understand what I said. This could be-"
"There's a message coming in," Bambi spat, plugging her jack into a new slot. The bridge fell quiet as a tiny, high-pitched voice began speaking very, very fast. The crew was straining to keep up.
"Identify-yourselves." Before there was even a chance the voice continued.
"We-wish-to-make-contact."
"Please-respond."
"We-would-like-to-open-negotiations."
"Er," Captain Random said, looking to his crew for some idea of what was going on.
"You-have-declined-negotiations. You-refuse-to-reply."
"Can we help you?" Armstrong offered.
"We-have-established-contact," the voice said. "We-want-to-negotiate."
Armstrong turned to the captain. "Should we begin the negotiation?"
Before Random could reply the voice went on. "You-refuse-to-negotiate. We-take-your-silence-as-hostility. Reply-or-we-will-declare-war. Very-well,-war-is-now-declared. Surrender-immediately. You-refuse-to-surrender, therefore-we-will-destroy-you. This-is-your-final-warning. Very-well, prepare-to-die."
"What just hap-" Random began, but immediately the space in front of them began to fill with energy beams.
"Shields up," Armstong ordered Riprock.
Riprock reached for a button, then stopped. "Sir?"
"I have it, sir," Buddy said from the helm. "Shields at maximum."
"I suppose you need me to explain the blindingly obvious," Nonek said with world-weariness. "It's clear that these are some kind of nanite race. Tiny robots for those of you too dumb to know what a nanite is, which is probably all of you."
"It looks like they don't perceive time in the way we do," Armstrong observed.
"Duh," Nonek said. "Their lifespan is very short no doubt."
"Captain," Armstrong said to Random, "let me try and talk with them. Maybe we can solve this peacefully."
"I'm not interested in backing down," Random replied. "We'll preserve peace by whatever force is necessary."
"Please captain," Armstrong said, desperate as he watched the cloud continue its approach.
"Oh, fine," the captain said with a huff. "But hurry up."
"Bambi..."
"What?!"
"Open a channel," Armstrong replied patiently. He cleared his throat. "This is the Confederation ship USS Arr. We'd like to speak to your leader."
"I-am-the-leader,-Zomar-the-First."
"You are Zomar the First?" Armstrong tried to clarify.
"No,-he-was-my-father,-I-am-Zomar-the-Second."
"Okay. So Zomar-"
"Zomar-is-gone;-I-am-Meltain."
"Melta-"
"Benthal-the-first."
"Look," Armstrong said. "Let's just-"
"Would-you-hurry-up. I-don't-have-all-second."
"Oh forget this," Random said. "Let's just open fire."
"Sir," Buddy said. "I'm reading four trillion targets."
"I can get 'em, sir," Riprock said confidently.
"Make that five trillion," Buddy said.
"Not a problem," Riprock insisted.
"Look," Armstrong said. "They're everywhere. We need to be very careful."
Riprock just grinned. "I have a plan, sir," he said to Random.
"I thought you might," Random rubbed his hands together. "What do you suggest?"
Riprock took a deep breath. "We separate the saucer section."
There was a hush on the bridge that was interrupted only by the quiet beep of the instruments. Buddy was the one who finally spoke. "Lieutenant," he said in a calm and even voice, "the Arr doesn't have a saucer section."
There was a thoughtful noise from the three engineers as this new idea buzzed among them. Random was visibly annoyed. "I want you down in engineering in exactly one second," he ordered.
"Not a problem," One said. The doors hadn't even closed as the lift rocketed down, accompanied by the overexcited cries of the three engineers.
"You-are-like-the-rest," the nanites went on. "You-make-us-wait-forever. We-will-wait-no-more."
"But-" Armstrong began.
"Stretching-back-into-the-mists-of-history," it continued, "we-have-worked. It-has-taken-us-days-to-reach-this-moment-but-now-we-will-succeed."
"And the-" Armstrong tried again.
"Soon-our-new-weapon-will-be-complete." Armstrong opened his mouth. "It-is-complete."
"Fast little buggers, aren't they?" the captain remarked. He hit the comm. "Hey, you guys hear that. They can build a weapon in under a second; can you?"
"We'll try, sir," Thrust said confidently. There was a very loud bang in the background followed by the sound of steam and mild screaming. "Going to take a little longer."
"Eventually-we-will-"
"Too-late," another voice interrupted, "we've-already-done-it."
"And-so-the-time-comes-for-the-final-step," the nanite leader declared.
"And what's that?" Armstrong asked.
The nanites spent several lifetimes putting in a dramatic pause. "To-conquer-the-universe."
"Fiends," Random said under his breath.
"You-will-all-fall-before-us," the voice continued. "And-we-will-rule-for-weeks-to-come."
Armstrong, dejected, turned to the captain. "Then we have no choice."
The captain took a deep breath, then turned to Riprock. "Let 'em have it," he said with a cold voice.
"Aye, sir," Riprock said, his satisfaction barely hidden behind his crisp voice and intense stance. He ran his hand over the console as if it were a virgin bride and sighed with personal satisfaction. "All weapons?" he confirmed.
Captain Random nodded. "All weapons," he repeated.
Immediately the space around the ship was flooded with laser weapons from every emitter throughout the ship. Red, yellow, green, blue, and a host of other colors all tore into the cloud as Riprock's hands switched from button to button with a practiced touch, holding each long enough to get maximum output before risking overheating.
"Torpedoes ready, sir," the voice reported over the comm. A fist slammed down on the flashing red button and torpedoes burst out of the tubes located across the front and back of the ship. They cut a path through the nanite ships and exploded, leaving nearly perfect spheres of destruction where they detonated. Riprock dry-fired the torpedoes a few seconds later, then pushed the button that called for reloading, returning to the lasers.
"We've destroyed over one hundred million of their ships," Buddy reported. "But they're continuing to reproduce."
Riprock's hands became a blur as he passed from button to button. The lights started to dim on the bridge as the weapons system demanded more and more power to maintain the assault. The nanite energy beams bounced harmlessly off their shields as the two sides continued to close the distance.
"Sir," Armstrong said to the captain, "the weapons can't take this much. If we don't let up they'll burn themselves out."
"We can't follow the safety protocol," Random replied, "they're reproducing faster than we destroy them. We need the speed."
"We can't maintain it," Armstrong insisted. "We need to find a different tactic."
Before anything further could be said Nonek spoke up. "Torpedoes approaching." Somehow he managed to sound bored. "Approximately forty-seven billion."
The shields buckled and gave as the energy overwhelmed their shield emmitters. One by one, three consoles on the bridge exploded, filling the air with deadly shrapnel and knocking crewmen to the floor with serious injuries. Armstrong rushed over to Ens. Hallis' side and helped her to her feet, putting pressure on the gash on her arm. "How did that happen?" he said with disbelief, looking at the remains of the system. "Why would our consoles explode if someone shot us?"
"I've randomly installed a quarter-stick of dynamite in some of the consoles," Random said, not even looking at him. "It's a little game I play."
With the shield down the nanite energy beams began striking the ship's armor directly, gradually chewing away at it. Buddy began trying some evasive maneuvers, but the cloud was everywhere, and it was impossible to stay ahead of the unending assault. "Get us clear!" Armstrong shouted, helping Hallis' to the lift doors. "Now!" He pushed the button for sickbay, then heard the sound of a frightened, descending scream, and glanced back at the closing doors.
"Please don't yell," Buddy said nervously, "I don't work well under pressure."
"Shields up," Random said, as if the mere words would make it happen.
"We're working on it," Thrust said from Engineering. "Going to take another minute."
There was a sizzling sound and a whisp of smoke came from the weapons console. There was the sound of someone being zapped by electricity, and it was quickly obvious that someone was Riprock. Despite it he continued slamming on the buttons, his body going into spasms as he pounded the controls, a low cry of defiance coming from deep in his throat. Beads of sweat started forming on his head as he started punching the buttons with his fist halfhazardly. In a final fit of anger he broke a glass case open on the wall with his elbow and grabbed the handle. Even Captain Random was trying to stop him at that point, but he gave a tug and the entire ship lurched, knocking the crew off their feet.
The bottom of the Arr slowly opened. There was a deep popping sound, and a two-hundred meter-long missile dropped out the bottom and blasted towards the cloud. It passed right through it, came out the other side, and slammed into a moon, blowing it to pieces.
"Dammit, Riprock," Random said testily. "You know we only have one Exodus Missile on board, and command told you we weren't going to get another one if we wasted it again."
"The-time-has-come-to-end-this-war," the voice of the nanites declared. "Feel-the-might-of-the-Generation-Cannon."
The crew fell silent as a distant glow began to appear within the cloud, starting at the edges. "Magnification," Armstrong ordered. The screen divided into four sections, showing the cloud with different levels of magnification. They saw a close up of the tiny ships, each a different kind of geometric shape, emmitting energy beams into nearby ships, which were passing it along to still other ships with more and more power. In the larger views, it looked like a wave of lightning was passing through the cloud towards a single central point. "Ensign," Armstrong said quietly, having an inkling of what was in store for them, "get us out of here."
The ship turned, but as it did the beams reached the central point, a single ship with a multitude of sides to it. The energy flooded into it for maybe a fraction of a second. Then a whitish-yellow beam tore through space and passed right through their engine. The beam was the size of a pin, but the material began to disintegrate in an outward cone, then the entire engine exploded altogether.
Random looked from the cloud to the image of the destroyed engine. "Damage control teams," he ordered. "See what you can do."
"We need to get out of here, captain," Armstrong said.
"I don't like it," Random said, not even masking the anger in his voice, "but for once I agree with you. Any ideas?"
Fortunately, bridge officers do have an option when such a situation arises. It's called an engineer. "Thrust," he called, activating the viewer in his chair. "This is the bridge."
Thrust was standing in the center of Engineering holding a cup of coffee. "We're sending a crew up to the engine," he said, taking a sip. "Going to take a while though."
"We don't have time," Armstrong said anxiously. "I know it's supposed to be impossible, but is there any way we could possibly create a hyperspace jump with only one nacelle. Even a little one th-"
"Oh sure, not a problem," Thrust said, taking another drink of coffee.
Armstrong's mouth was still opened. "Excuse me?"
"Yeah," Thrust continued, "we worked it out while we were having donuts last week."
"All right," Armstrong said, steeling himself for the chaos to come, "let's do it."
"Okay," Thrust flipped a switch on the wall. "All set."
Armstrong was tense with anticipation. He slowly relaxed. "That's it?"
"Yup," Thrust said, finishing the mug. "All set, whenever you want."
Confused but unwilling to look a gift horse in the mouth, he ordered Buddy to jump to hyperspace. Despite the damage, the ship vanished away from the cloud just before the nanites could finish another charge.
"Set course for Base 191," Captain Random said. "We're going to need parts and weapons fast. Bambi."
"What?!"
"Let them know what's happened," Random said, ignoring the belligerance in her glare.
"Sure thing, craphead."
Armstrong stepped closer to the captain, keeping his eyes on the receeding image of the cloud. "This isn't over," he said with worry and awe.
"Absolutely not," Random replied. "They're not dead yet."
The Motion Picture
The Final Frontier
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