"I've heard that before."

Released a mere three years after the abysmal Highlander II: The Quickening (which, as bad as the version I saw was, that was even worse, as it had all the same problems plus a whole bunch of new ones), Highlander: The Final Dimension, aka Highlander: The Sorceror, aka Highlander III threw everything from Highlander II out the window (in fact, it's probably the reason most of the posters played down this being the third in the series), and good riddance.

Highlander II, III, and IV (Highlander: Endgame) are really distinct sequels, in that they all happen independent of the other, and thus each continues the story in its own way. Of the three, I'll admit that I find this one to be the preferable choice. This is for a number of reasons. First, IV is out for me because it takes the definitive Highlander out of the picture and replaces him ultimately with the TV star taking up the mantle. Not that I have a problem with the show or Adrian Paul, in fact I've never seen an episode of the series and have no qualms about maybe watching it some time. But that is not the way I want to see the story of the Highlander continue... but I'll get more into that next time.

Highlander II, naturally, is a horrible film in my opinion, so I certainly wouldn't consider it the proper sequel. Aside of all the things I said in the review last time, perhaps the biggest problem is that Highlander II is not, when you get down to it, a Highlander story. Highlander II was an Action Movie. Highlander was an action movie, II was an Action Movie, complete with all the staples of the genre, like explosions, guns, fights that are ridiculous, incompetent henchmen, an evil corporate empire bent on world domination, and an over-the-top villain. Couple that with the fact that it's really a science fiction film rather than a fantasy film, and it's obvious that this isn't a Highlander movie, it's a bad sci-fi action film that happens to have the Highlander in it. This would be like doing a sequel to Young Guns and putting Billy The Kid on a spaceship fighting xenomorphs.

So Highlander III works for me as a sequel - it retains the fantasy element and the same themes, and it doesn't have Lambert spending the whole film with hair extensions on. Of course, there are still plenty of problems with the story and its execution, so don't think I'm going to pull any punches because of this. At the end of the day, this is a sequel to a film that really didn't lend itself to a sequel, at least one of the same nature as the first. After all, the other immortals are all supposed to be dead, this was the endgame of a contest millennia old. A sequel (and really, why not a prequel instead?) should have retained the fantasy and mythic elements of the first without adding further immortals into the mix. After all, the need for this contest was still left open, and if we rule out the Wise Council of the Bald Guys using it as a place to dump their criminals, its reasons are unexplained. In other words, if the prize itself was awarded, not for it's own sake, but to create a champion to accomplish a specific task and/or defeat a specific threat, that would answer the unasked questions and provide a basis for the new story. You can be faithful to the original without retreading the same ground, which is where this film falls short.

Our film begins with Connor MacLeod, speaking to the camera. He begins with the lines Ramirez spoke at the beginning of the original film, but then introducing himself and explaining what some had been wondering for some time: what did MacLeod do after he buried his wife and set off. He states that he went off, searching for answers. Thankfully, they weren't the ones seen in Highlander II. Instead we see him wind up in Japan, with a Japanese sorceror named Nakano. We spend several minutes watching him make a sword - if only we had Bob Villa there to fill us in. Finally Nakano speaks, telling us of "the most evil among us" who's coming. Of course, this isn't the Kurgan, since he's so yesterday, so it must be this new villain.

This new villain is Kain, and while he's an improvement over Katana, it's not by much. Played by Mario Van Peebles, a man who used his skill in voices to fuel his short-lived Sonny Spoon series, he has sadly tried to do a scary voice here that's a cross between the Kurgan and a dominatrix. As a villain, he's also not terribly impressive so far, despite how much Nakano goes on about how powerful he is. First, he has immortal henchmen, and as we've seen, immortal henchmen are completely useless. It doesn't matter how powerful they might theoretically be, they're still henchmen, and movie rules are quite clear that the henchman accomplishes jack squat. Second, we see him in action right away, and it's not that great. He asks an old man where Mount Niri is, and the old man doesn't understand, so he has to repeat the question in Japanese. Now the old man asks if he seeks the sorceror Nakano. This question drives Kain into a rage, and he decides to slaughter the villagers and burn the village to the ground. Great, now you still don't know, and everyone you could ask is dead, nice move idiot.

After this long and uncomfortable scene finally ends, we return to MacLeod and Nakano, who states that like Ramirez, he will share his knowledge with MacLeod to help stop this evil. First, though, they've got to wash their hands, which they do for pretty much a full minute while suitable enlightenment music plays. Now the practicing starts, and we see them fighting with sticks until MacLeod's is turned into a snake; great, he's fighting Moses now. "You must respect the power of illusion," Nakano chastizes him. Pity we can't respect the power of bad special effects, or else this scene would have worked a lot better. Then there's more sparring and Nakano gets disarmed. "You have already lost," Nakano declares, and manages to catch MadLeod's blow with his hands and disarm him. Problem is, since they're immortals, it's pretty damn stupid to aim at the ribs instead of the neck. In other words, this is a really useful trick in any fight except one where you're actually in danger. Still, that doesn't stop him from spouting some suitable far eastern mumbo jumbo "Fight with your spirit and your sword will follow." Okay, grasshopper.

We see him give MacLeod his katana, something which doesn't make much sense, considering that the previous film clearly showed this was Ramirez' weapon. It can't just be handwaved away, because the entire plot involving Brenda revolved around her interest in Ramirez sword, because it was made centuries before it should have been possible. Oh well, at least we can get more of the Luke Skywalker bit, as a blindfolded MacLeod chops fruit in half as it's tossed at him. Nakano is so pleased he offers for MacLeod to chop his head off, but surprisingly MacLeod refuses to behead his friend and mentor. This, of course, means that the power of illusion will be in the hands of the bad guy.

Oh, and here he is now. He must've been pretty damn lost if MacLeod was able to be fully trained in the time it took to find the place. Nice move, Kain. Nakano tries to get MacLeod to leave, but it's too late, as Kain and his lackeys are already here. Kain decides to beat the crap out of Nakano for a little while, since he's evil and all that, questioning about where MacLeod is. Of course, he could just cut off Nakano's head and gain his knowledge, but why be direct when you can just beat up on an old man? MacLeod leaps in, trying to stop Kain, but gets stabbed in the gut instead. We flash back briefly to when the Kurgan did the same before seeing Kain ready to lop his head off, only to be stopped by Nakano. So, with a kick from his mentor, MacLeod finally hauls ass out of there while Nakano creates some duplicates to fight for him. Kain, however, sees through it and cripples the sorceror. He then gives the old phrase, "There can be only one," given in what is without a doubt the most horrible manner ever spoken - it's like Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, only not as heterosexual.

Anyway, apparently even in death Nakano craps all over Kain, as the Quickening causes the cavern to collapse and seal Kain and his henchmen inside while MacLeod escapes. With this we transition to a helicopter. Apparently all the money in the caption budget was spent on Highlander II, because while that film needed to tell you everything, this one let you figure out for yourself that this wasn't a helicopter in sixteenth century Japan. I prefer the latter, I think. Ah, and a woman archaeologist gets out and heads in, Dr. Alex Johnson. Well, Dr. Johnson, you may be a professional, but I've seen enough Highlander movies by now to know that before this movie ends, I'm going to see your boobs.

Anyway, it looks like some Japanese business is building something out here, and now they're not happy that they've got to stop their development while this American goes poking around in their foundation looking for bits of junk. However, thankfully, they learned their lesson last time, and this is really all we see of the businessmen, avoiding yet another cliched evil corporation subplot. Down in the basement, some poor Japanese red shirt security guard is sent in to check it out. He's got a huge flashlight that requires a battery pack the size of a small briefcase, yet is less effective than one you can get for twenty bucks at True Value. He sees the boards of one of the walls banging as something is trying to get out, so being a dutiful little red shirt he leans in closer so that whatever foul creature is in there can kill him faster.

Yup, Kain's hand bursts out, grabs him, and yanks him inside to kill him out of view. He and his two lackeys emerge into the tunnel, surprisingly fine for three men who've spent four hundred years in a cave. This is one of the big plot holes: just because they're immortal doesn't mean that sealing them up for four hundred years won't have any effect. If you were locked up for four hundred years, odds are pretty good you'd emerge insane, and Kain's behavior is no different than it was before they left. This could have been so easily avoided too: even an immortal probably would succumb to oxygen deprivation after a few days, and they'd effectively sleep the years away. Sure, it's not perfect, but the way this was handled you've got to wonder how these three didn't kill each other after a while. Plus, it probably would've been a lot more dramatic if the archaeologists found these mysteriously undecayed remains, and then have them suddenly return to life. You could even actually have Kain do more of the slaughtering he loves to do.

So, Kain sends one of his lackeys off to go find the Highlander, as he blames him for being locked up all these years. Sure, because if he had died in the cave, then you wouldn't have been trapped... or not. Okay, well, he's definitely crazy, but I don't see it as being any more crazy than before he was locked up. He also figures that now is the time to finally do in his other henchman, although why he'd bother waiting until now is beyond me. If you hadn't killed him for driving you nuts for four hundred years, why bother now? It's not as if he had to worry about the smell, since there was already a dead body in the cave with them. But I guess it helps show how evil he is and all that.

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