MST3K: Cave Dwellers

Episode Rating: 5 stars

Plot: Ator and his sidekick Dong (aka Thong, aka Wong, aka Gomez) must travel from the ends of the Earth (aka Canada) to the palace of the Great One (aka The Really Dull Old Guy) to stop the villain (aka John Saxon) from stealing the geometric nucleus (aka the A-bomb). Highlights include cannibal cave dwellers, poorly dressed samarai, a giant sockpuppet, and Ator constructing a perfectly functioning hang glider in about five minutes.

Opening: Selecting new names

Invention exchange: Everyone goes back to the old names. Mad's have Mike Douglas furniture. "You don't get to sing the man in my little girl's life." Joel reveals his Smoking Jackets. "Everybody loves tar, sure who doesn't." Mads demonstrate Robotic Arm Wrestling

Host segment 1: Recreating the opening credits as they put on costumes and gad and frolick about the ship. "Joel, isn't this kinda fruity?"

Host segment 2: Giving ordinary things extraordinary names. A Box of paperclips: "Here is a box of incredibly bent pieces of wire used to hold oppressed wood pulp planes in security."

Host segment 3: Foley. Making sounds for movies.

End: Continuity problems in Cave Dwellers. "Who's that behind the fostergrans? It's Og!" Mads discuss how evil they are.

Stinger: Ator: "Thong, the fish is ready." Thong continues flinging trout.

Music: Sung during Ator's extended hang gliding scene.

Ator flies, and so does my heart
In his kite made of string and sticks and bamboo
I fly along with you
I go along for the ride.
I'm not stupid like the rest of them.
Ator, Ator my sweet friend.

Zingers

"I love Brian Picolo. And when you hit your knees tonight, ask God to love him too."

Servo: Hey there's a monolith outside!
Joel: Yeah, everybody's evolving and stuff, it's really neat.
Crow: Hey Grog threw a bone in the air and it turned into a spaceship!

Droning Old Man: It is everything, and nothing.
Crow: Uh, could you be a little more vague please.

"This is the part of the film we like to call, 'She had to ask.'"

"Geez, Tolkien couldn't follow this plot."

"He'd never killed that big a puppet before."

"Music by the Super Mario Bros."

Dull Old Guy: All men are born equal.
Joel: Oh give me a pencil I want to write that one down.

Joel: Why is she limping?
Crow: 'Cause she's got an arrow in her chest.
Joel: Oh well I can see, huh?

"All we can do is pray, although we haven't thought of any gods yet."

"Got a crazy idea boss, let's make a giant cigar out of her!"

"Let's see now, there's a superball, and half a peanut, and a length of kite string and a carpenter's saw. What would MacGyver do?"

"Dear God he's dull!"

John Saxon: Ator.
All: Gesundheit.

Ator: They're invisible!
Joel: Oh man, I don't believe it, they were too cheap to hire villains.

"Thong, just kill it, don't play with it!"

"Tuesdays are human sacrifice day at the Sizzler!"

"They're kinda dumb, they're easy to kill. The American Gladiators."

"Ah, something dull. Comes towards it our friend."

John Saxon: Flog him!
Crow: Thank you sir.

"If this is another flashback, I'm gonna get a sandwich."

Ator: We'll take them back to the village, and speak with their people.
Joel: The Village People?

"Who is this gentle stranger with pecs like melons and knees of fringe?"

"Ator's prehistoric cave dwellers and Milwaukee are a long way apart. But they have one thing in common. Caveland means the best human hearts available, and Milwaukee means sacred wine."

"Drink it all, sometimes the poison's on the bottom."

"Theory of flight, I'll teach you the theory of fist!"

Smacked-around Old Fellow: You can keep beating me-
Crow: But, knee me in the groin first.

"Mankind, you make me want to vomit. Go away, just go away. I'm so sick of you."

My Thoughts

On the Film: If you knew that some MST3K movies were just television episodes, you would probably think this was one of them. It has that feel, a bunch of disjointed scenes that are just strung together to kill time until Ator can get to the castle. By the time he gets there you don't even care, and the fight scene is about as exciting as watching Bea Arthur give a lapdance. And the romance between Ator and the girl, when did the time for this burgeoning intimacy develop? What a piece of crap.

This is MST3K at its best. The riffing is just spot on, every scene packed with hilarity. Dull shots of guys walking through caves, stupid scenes filled with excessive pauses in dialogue, crappy attempts at character development, the incredibly drawn out sacrifice scene, the completely over the top hang gliding bit, and gratuitous fights scenes; none of them can put a dent in the unending barrage of one-liners, silly imitations, and observational humor. Even the host segments are great. The recreation of the opening credits somehow works out to be one of the best parts of the show. The humor continues right down to Frank pushing the button, and after.

Still Store

MST3K, and all related characters are property and trademark of Best Brains.
All images from the film are the property of their respective owners.
The views expressed herein are those of the author and do not reflect the views of anyone
connected with Best Brains.
All original material copyrighted.