OVEG: Caretaker, Part II

Description: On their way to the fifth planet, Voyager and the Maquis ship come across a debris field. Ah, if only they'd just kept on going things could have turned out so much better, but alas, they come across the one person within the field: Neelix, garbage man extraordinare. Observe below this scan from page 19 of the October 8-14, 1994 TV Guide:

tvguide

In what amounts to the greatest bad call since the famous "Dewey Defeats Truman" headline, it was predicted that Neelix was going to be the breakout character. Instead we would discover an irritant that actually exceeded Wesley Crusher on the Trek annoyance scale, and nothing over the years would succeed in diminishing the level of infuriation he causes. He makes Jar Jar Binks look like Morgan Freeman. And to compare him to Odo and Quark?! Quark is a slimy, greedy crook, but there's still the whisperings of a conscience in their and a kind of roguish charm in his oily demeanor. Odo is a standoff-ish grumpy individual, but it's the result of deep-seated feelings of being a loner and outsider, who is torn between his desire to belong and his desire to be left alone. Neelix is just an asshole. It is for this reason that pretty much every episode will include the Stupid Neelix Moment.

Anyway, Neelix fills them in on what the Caretaker has been up to, and Janeway offers to give him water if he will help them find their missing crewmembers. He arrives and from moment one he's an obvious irritant. Tuvok's Vulcan patience is clearly strained to the limit dealing with him, and I for one don't blame him.

Harry and Torres meanwhile are still suffering from their gross disease, which the Ocompa have no idea how to cure. Harry and Torres spend some time providing some personal backstory before the doctors come in with clothing and lead them out into their settlement, which looks very much like the inside of a large zoo. This is because the Ocompa live beneath the surface, where they are cared for by the caretaker so they can indulge in front of giant tv screens showing pictures of clouds - what a life. No wonder they only live nine years, they die of boredom.

Meanwhile, back on Voyage, Tuvok goes to fetch Neelix. What follows is a mixed blessing. On the one hand, I'm sure Neelix was in desperate need of a bath, and anything to clean him up must be an improvement. On the other hand, witnessing Neelix taking a bath just might have been too great a price, especially for poor Tuvok, although watching his reaction qualifies as this episode's Best Moment. Nevertheless Neelix tells them where they should go and what should be done, promising this will help get their people back. Did I mention he's an asshole?

Neelix leads them into danger unwarned when they wind up at a camp of Kazon, a group that puts the "ugh" in "ugly." It turns out that Neelix isn't interested in their crewmen, just in rescuing his captured girlfriend, Kes. Let me point out once again that he risked their lives by lying to them and leading them against armed enemies just to further his own ends. Did I mention he was an asshole?

[Kneebler commentary]:Thank you Neelix for showing us for the very first time just how gullible the Voyager crew is.

Meanwhile down on the planet, an Ocampa gets in touch with Harry and Torres. She gives them moss to try and help cure their disease, but they insist that the only way they'll live is if they get out. She finally tells them that there are ways, breaks in the security fields, and with some digging tools they can probably escape. They set to work. Meanwhile on Voyager the Doctor treats Kes' wounds while they discuss what to do next. Kes offers to show them the way into the secret Ocampan batcave. Neelix immediately objects because, and I can't empahisize this point enough, he's an asshole. Kes insists on helping them since they helped her. Naturally, since this is a highly dangerous situation, the senior officers of both ships beam down into the settlement.

Harry and Torres are nowhere in sight, as they've attempted to get out through the secret tunnels everybody knows about. This is despite Harry, who gets winded after all of four stairs (time to replace the holodeck with a stairmaster). Paris, Neelix, and Kes start heading up after them, with a tricorder pulled out because, hey, you can't climb stairs without a tricorder! They find Harry and Torres and get them out while Tuvok explains what he thinks is going on: that the Caretaker is dying, and so is giving the Ocampa a surplus of energy and sealing the conduits to keep the Kazon out. Tim Russ, who's played several fine rolls on both Next Generation and Voyager, delivers a solid Vulcan performance, and this is probably his highlight for the episode.

Harry, Kes, and Torres are beamed back to Voyager, but when communication is cut off with the others, Paris and Neelix go back. It turns out that Chakotay is stranded on the stairwell with a broken leg, but Tom is there to try and rescue them. This is in spite of their animosity because Paris says that if he rescues Chakotay, his life will belong to him. The whole scene hurts because it takes excessive pains to beat you about the head with the fact that Chakotay is an American Indian, although what tribe isn't stated so that they can pile all kinds of stereotypes onto him. I just wanted him to say something like, "Hey, whiteboy, don't your people a tradition of having bulls chase you through the streets and a tradition of hunting foxes and a tradition of making cuckoo clocks and drinking vodka and eating big helpings of pasta? No! Then shut up!" Anyway, the point of this is to wrap up the entire Chakotay-Paris storyline in a quick, neat, and offensive package.

Once they've been beamed back up they head back to the array, but unfortunately the Kazon want the technology and are willing to fight for it. Voyager and the Maquis ship attack it while Janeway and Tuvok beam over to the array. The Caretaker is near death, and he says that he's creating a self-destruct program that will ensure the Kazon can't use the technology against the Ocampa. Outside, a Kazon supership is causing so much trouble that Chakotay has to ram it with his own ship, disabling it and causing it to crash into the array. Now the self-destruct program won't work, and the Caretaker dies.

What follows this is the most commonly discussed issue in the bad Janeway decision archive. Here they stand with the technology to get home. Janeway has an obligation now to get her crew home, and also to bring in the Maquis she's effectively captured. The Prime Directive says that she shouldn't get involved. What's more, I hate to be crass, but it's not as if the Ocampa issue is that important in the grand scheme. They'll have to face the Kazon sooner or later, and they live lives about as rich as your average goldfish. I'm not trying to justify genocide, but it's not like some ancient and wonderous culture is at stake; it's the galactic equivalent of kids who never moved out of their parents' basement. And let's look at the options. 1) Go Home, leave the array. 2) Go home, set explosives to detonate and destroy the array. 3) If you don't have timers, send everyone else home and leave one person behind to make the sacrifice for everyone else. But still, faced with all this, Janeway decides that they need to destroy the array and just try to figure out another way home.

After this, Janeway makes all the Maquis members of the crew and Chakotay her first officer. She even makes Thomas Eugene Paris an acting Lieutenant. [Kneebler commentary]:Anyone with the name Eugene is okay by me. She even allows Neelix and Kes to stay on board for the trip home. Then she steps out onto the bridge and gives her big "We're going home because I'm a dumbass" speech, and the nacelles lift and separate as they head for home.

Rating: 4

Ocompa: A somewhat telepathic race with elf ears. They live only nine years. They have lived for about the past one thousand years below the surface of their planet, ever since the caretaker destroyed the surface.

Kazon: The Kazon combined the worst traits of Klingons and Ferengi. They look like an entire race of Coolios with a cabage on their head. They are in control of this part of the quadrant. The borg calls them "unremarkable".

Talaxian: What you can say about Neelix's race? They're ugly, rude, and have poor personal hygiene. Someone wiped out almost their entire race. I'd say "Good!" but they missed the most important one. Better luck next time. I mean it.

Stupid Neelix Moment: Take your pick. We have Neelix claiming an entire debris field as his own personal kingdom. We have Neelix pigging out and spitting water. We have Neelix taking a Kazon hostage. Or we have Neelix making a long and stupid speech before going to rescue Chakotay. His character will not improve.

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