OVEG: Message in a Bottle

Description: Seven of Nine has found a series of relay stations that they can use to contact the alpha quadrant. There's only one problem, the only ship in that area is about to leave, so they need to send a message fast. Only, the message won't send right, it keeps degrading, just like Voyager's scripts. So they decide to send the doctor to tell them everything that's happened. So, off he goes.

He shows up on the Federation starship Prometheus, an experimental new ship that can seperate and attack an enemy from different sides. There's just one problem, it's been taken over by Romulans. Fortunately, the Doctor calls on his alpha quadrant EMH equivalent, a funny looking effeminate man with no confidence at all, and is grossed up by his patients. The Doctor decides they need to retake the ship using anesthetics, and they begin their plan.

Meanwhile, back on board the USS Stomachache, Neelix continues to poison the crew, forcing Tom to constantly have to prescribe antiacids and wasting his time. Harry tries to program a replacement and fails miserably. Also, we meet the people who are using this relay station, the Hirogen. Seven of Nine opens communication by electrocuting the Hirogen, which is only slightly worse than Janeway's normal diplomacy.

Back on the Prometheus, the two EMHs succeed in taking over the ship and wind up in the middle of a battle. Fortunately they manage to operate the multi-vector attack mode and destroy the Romulans and save the day. The Doctor tells everyone about Voyager and they are going to devote all their effort to bringing them home. Of course, they told that to Dr. Moriarty too, and they still accomplished nothing after five years, so Voyager may be in for a loooooooooong wait.

Comments: Very good episode. Even the sub-plots were entertaining. We need more episodes like this: you know, good ones.

Seriously though, everyone was entertaining, except Neelix of course, but that's a given. The new EMH was also interesting, and the introduction of the Hirogen was pure quality.

Special Silvermoose Commentary: My first question is, why did they send the Doctor across the alien relay network. Sure, he could tell starfleet about Voyager's fate, but what would that accomplish? Answer: Nothing. Janeway just likes to risk lives, even artificial ones.

On to other things, why are people going to sickbay for heartburn? Have you gone to the doctor for heartburn?!! I didn't think you needed a prescription for Tums. Maybe they don't know how to take it: "I stuck five Tums up my butt and I still have heartburn."

Here's another thought for you, Harry Kim was referred to as a "holo-expert". Does this surprise you? It doesn't surprise me. But it does scare me. I'd hate to see what twisted concoctions come out of his programs. "Computer, run Seven of Nine Program Number 8."

Here's another thing I could just simply not understand. Why did the doc in the alpha quadrant allow the Romulans to grab him and place him in a chair and interrogate him when he is a HOLOGRAM! Couldn't he just transport somewhere else on board and keep avoiding capture?

And finally, I'm glad the doc went to the alpha quadrant and not Janeway, because if Janeway went, every Romulan would get an official starfleet badge. (See reference to Kes, Neelix, the Maquis, the Borg, Paris, and any species with opposable thumbs.)

Rating: 9

Hirogen: A nomadic space-dwelling hunting race. About six and a half feet tall and pretty strong. They also look like the floor of a movie theater. They live for the hunt and believe in the value of trophies from their prey. They may even eat them, we don't know.

Best Moment: The Doctor trying to get access to the computer from the Romulan; he tells them there's a terrible disease. "I hear the stomach cramps are unbearable, although some say the rash is worse."

Seven of Nine Moment: Seven of Nine deals with the boastful Hirogen. How? Twenty thousand volts. Now that's diplomacy!

Stupid Neelix Moment: His attempt at American cooking. His food is no doubt banned by several international treaties.

Continuity Question: Why would the Doctor be unable to access the comm system, but can immediately learn about the ships armor, shields, weapons, and experimental attack patterns? We'll tell you our defenses, but hey, the phones are classified!

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